I found it. The solution which makes all (I think??) given information true. Whether or not this is correct is something I guess I'll just have to wait to find out. And since I am no longer in torment (mostly self inflicted to be sure)....I guess I will be OK until I start rethinking this. :-P

---> College classes. I need to find out if an interdisciplinary degree of psych/art would make it at all possible to work doing art therapy. And more immediately, how much competition there is for the para-pro jobs that occasionally come up. I would have to get CPR and first aid training, but I had to do that when I worked at SL Start and it was pretty straightforward. Not sure about cost... The upside of this is that unlike SL Start, I would be able to work with very limited numbers of kids, as opposed to a circus of surprises and people I hadn't even met before and knew absolutely nothing about. It is impossible to build any kind of rapport that way. I do best in one on one interactions, and my impression is that this kind of work would allow for that.

I still want to have animals, an orchard, etc.....but realistically that is not going to happen unless i have a paying outside job with health insurance.

I am trying hard to muster up some enthusiasm for the holiday season, and folks, it just isn't there. If it weren't for the kids I guess I'd probably zone out or go do something totally unrelated and try to pretend it was just another ordinary day. But. It is a lot of fun to make the kids happy. They even get euphoric about brand- new underwear and socks! Heh, I love my kids.