Saturday, December 24, 2011

No, that doesn't make all given information true. What was I thinking??

The only solution that really does is that I am delusional and crazy like my mom. The things she thinks happen are real enough that she absolutely cannot tell them from reality, even if it's an alien looking at her from a window and making her physically ill or Jesus telling her that she's his bride and they're going to have great sex when she gets to heaven. I guess that if I'm delusional, I at least have the consolation of having fallen for someone who actually exists. This possibility scares the hell out of me. Um...not the best choice of words having just mentioned Jesus.....OK, how about, this option frightens me to the point of having to work at breathing. She doesn't know she is delusional and out of her flipping mind. I have to conclude that if I'm delusional, I wouldn't be able to sort out truth from fiction either. There have always been people who've suggested that I was a bit unbalanced (they always say it so nicely) to think that you ever had even the slightest interest in me. That hurts and it's somewhat insulting....but on the other hand, it could still be entirely true. This idea really scares me. Maybe everyone else is right and I am fucking crazy.

Or: the given information was contradictory, leading me to two three more options--->

>Not all of the given information was true. Some of it did not sound true. However, since there is no guarantee that my perceptions accurately reflect reality (see above).... Still. If a few chunks of the information were false, that would screw everything up. And make me think I'm crazy.

>You're a pig like other men. But this falls apart right away, because piggy men don't have that look in their eyes. Piggy men don't have any pain about acting piggy.

>The information given contradicts due to changes. i.e., if you see someone jumping up and down and you take pictures of them, the photographs will show the person on the ground, in mid air and barely touching the ground. The photographs would look contradictory if you did not know that the person was jumping when they were taken.

What can I do for 15 months to stay sane, alive and preoccupied enough not to let this drive me batty? I have to find something to do that is going to fill my time and mind up without exacting excessive stress or risking more pain.

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