Friday, December 02, 2011

The kokanee salmon pair of watercolors are now matted, framed, and handed over to be hung at Kokanee Coffee. They just opened and so business is still pretty slow, but it should pick up. So that's good.

And I finally managed to find 2 pairs of cross country skis so that Nate and I can go skiing. Now I have to find boots to match, poles and get a map of public lands where it's ok to ski. Not sure if there are public trails here like there were in Newport. So that's also good.

And as for the rest of it.....I don't know. Maybe the medication intensifies the pain or something. It sure as hell isn't helping, so fuck it. I read this article and while I am skeptical, I wonder how many people would still feel the need for meds if they followed the advice given first? I'm going to be totally honest here and admit that if I did all those things I would probably feel a lot better.

Also, why, when I ask these doctors for help with paying attention, do they always give me an antidepressant that "may help" with my attention span? Has it ever occurred to them that maybe if I wasn't so freaking disorganized, maybe if I could remember stuff and get my act together and start making some real progress, I might not be so depressed?! Because while there are things depressing me, the deal is that I don't really have any part of my life that is working well enough for me to be able to turn to it as affirmation that I am not a total failure as a human being. There hasn't been anything that I could turn to and work on and experience success as some kind of consolation. I guess there is the art, but it isn't really selling that well. I think that if I could get the rest of my act together, get back on my feet, get a place of my own, etc....then this wound would heal faster and hurt less. :-/

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