I have such a hard time not doing that self-loathing thing. :-/ I try to tell myself that we all do stupid things now and then, we all make little mistakes. Those people don't replay their mistakes and idiotic deeds over and over and over again in detail, tormenting themselves with it. But I do, and why? What good does it do me? It only causes me pain and humiliation and low(er) self esteem. It causes me to get nervous and make more stupid mistakes and social gaffes, not fewer.

Arghhh.....This is so hard for me. I need to know that someday, this will make sense, that I'll be able to understand it even if I'm not entirely happy with whatever that understanding is.

And I feel terrible for the amount of stress and everything that I've caused....and I can't undo that.

But.

I am so happy that you're in this world, however things are and wherever you are. :-)