Tell me

am i wrong for feeling sad

am i wrong for missing you

am i wrong for thinking that if only i'd been able to find the right things to day

the right things to do

the right social posturing

all the right things i never know what to do

that maybe at least things wouldn't have gone so

horribly bitter

so unlike any way i would ever want anything to be with anyone i know

oh this hurts

i was wrong to love you

and i couldn't help it.....you were so...so...

so just the right color

so just the right music

so just like a puzzle piece that was always supposed to be there

and you are so easy to love.

and i was weak.

you were so like dancing with someone who flows like

like....

maybe like those fish when they spawn

they always know where the other one is

they always move in harmony

the lateral lines allow them to do that

you and i have no lateral lines...so i don't know.

i was wrong to hurt

wrong to cry

wrong to wrestle and fight and struggle

to try to understand

to try to fix, to unbreak, to solve the impossible equation

but even impossible equations have a set range of potential answers

to not be able to believe that you hate me

to not be able to not believe it

god, whatever i did, it was fucking wrong!

wrong to let someone in so close

to those ancient wounds

they all tell me wrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrong.

they are heartless to say that

i would rather be wrong than heartless.

but

i hurt you

and upset you

and scared you

and made you uncomfortable

in spite of never having wanted to do any of those things

i don't know if i am able to do any things right.

:-/