Woke up with arrhythmia scaring the bejeezus out of me....around 11 PM last night. I am chagrined to admit that it freaked me out badly enough that going to the ER was the chosen course of action. This was partly due to having just read the side effects of discontinuing the particular medication that I have been off of for a week now....the list is pretty sobering, and I wasn't even aware that quitting a med could wreak such havoc.

Long story short, I need to quit caffeine and be nice to myself, and there isn't a whole lot to worry about. Something called PSVT that I still need to look up.

But being sleep deprived and nauseous/dizzy (side effects of med discontinuation) does make me a little crabby.

Which brings me to the next subject, the Pacific Northwest Quarterly Meeting. I am a Quaker. A non-theist Quaker, but still....this is the group that I fellowship with. My lack of conviction or certainty in regard to a personal deity doesn't change that this is a source of support, comfort, friendship and meaning in my life. And for the past several months, when I have needed this more than ever.....my ex, who is not only not a Friend but has no real interest in Quakerism, has been attending regularly with the goal of harassing me and alienating me from my support network. At least, that's how I see it.

Don't ask. I tried, fruitlessly. Friends are kind folk who give people the benefit of the doubt. Never mind that the man had been abusive, controlling and toxic to myself and children and that he never came to meeting at all until he ran out of other ways to engage with me. Not. Once. No, that doesn't matter. That is coincidental. And it would be fine if he didn't follow me around like an animal waiting for me to drop dead or start bleeding, despite repeated requests to let me and my son alone.

sigh....it is so hard to write this without feeling and sounding bitter.

I have to protect my son. This is my job and my duty. I feel like I've been pushed out of my Meeting by this man, and everyone stands by, condoning his behavior and asks me what my problem is. Folks, my problem is that this man is hassling me on an almost daily basis, insulting me and begging to go camping with my son, saying that they are "best friends". Sorry, no. A 60 year old man should not be friends with a 16 yo boy. It's (gasp, I had to use that word!) inappropriate....especially when the man has no other close friends and has a controlling and overpowering personality. Oh my. I am becoming a Bad Quaker. :-/

So....I am going to Quarterly. I am printing out the emails where he tells me that I contribute nothing to the Friend's meeting here, that I take and take and give back nothing, that the people there support him and think I am unreasonable. I will have documentation from professionals regarding this man and the effect he has had on my son. I will point out that my son does not want to spend his weekends with this man. Folks, I don't know what else to do. Getting a no-contact order will probably just result in being totally unable to attend meeting. :-/