Day is starting to go badly. Not sure why.

Anyway, I was going to address the dissociation thing again, because I haven't kissed anyone for nearly two years. These things are related, because I realized that I am unable to dissociate while kissing whereas dissociation has been pretty much the norm during sex. Thought about this for awhile. Maybe I can't dissociate while kissing because the mouth is part of one's face and head area. Which could explain why I have a tendency to avoid it. Not being able to escape while being kissed badly and feeling utterly violated and slobbered on is a real problem. And if it's not sloppy but still not something I'm into, it's still disagreeable. For me, kissing is a whole lot more intimate than sex.

I wish that I could have a positive experience in this area. I had a dream once; there was only kissing, no sex at all. Somehow it was a lot more erotic than any other dream I'd had. But like the song goes, that was just a dream. Like everything else. All of it, everything nice. Only the nightmares have been real.